disclaimer: this post should not be viewed as a "woe unto me, lonely hearted girl" post. for real. sympathetic comments will not be tolerated. and if anyone, anyone tries to tell me that everything happens for a reason, or quotes me jeremiah 29, i will e-punch you in the face.
that being said, i'm a little down on the whole subject of love.
it's not just my own pathetic love life, which, if you know me at all, you know is virtually non-existent. i'm twenty-three years old and i have yet to be in a serious relationship. i know about nine males in the city of chattanooga, most of whom are either married or seriously taken. it's been so long since someone kissed me and meant it that i pretty much can't remember what that's like. and i'm mayor of the freakin' friend zone. but as bad as all that is, it's not just that.
i've lost faith in the whole institution of love. not friendly love, or family love. i have been more than blessed with the experience of both of those. i'm talking about love love. you jump i jump, if you're a bird i'm a bird, meet me at the top of the empire state building kind of love.
and i know that real love isn't like the movies. i get it. but when i look around, i am saddened not because so many others have love that i don't, but because i don't have it and i can't see it anywhere else. all i see are relationships ending, marriages being ruined by selfish needs and wants, and the word love generally being batted around like a beach ball at a rock concert: without care or direction, without purpose, people just trying to get their hands on it to make themselves feel important. i'm tired of counseling my friends who have had their hearts broken by those who say they "love" them. i'm tired of going to weddings where i can't be happy because i know that the "love" between the couple is a fleeting fancy.
this is where my mother would yell at me for being a cynic. and this is where i tell her i'm just being a realist. because in this world today, it's actually scary how un-shocking the absence of love is. google "pastor cheats on wife" and see for yourself how realistic i actually am being.
by the way, it's 638,000. get it yet?
i'm not completely writing off love. yet. i'm maintaining hope at the moment for the sake of sanity. but i will remain in an innocent until proven guilty sort of state, and i will continue in this train of thought until someone proves me wrong. i sincerely hope this will be the case.
if this was depressing, i apologize. anytime you need good dose of jaded discussion, i'm your girl for sure. if you need a pick me up, however, this little guy is your best bet.
4 comments:
d- i so feel you. having been someone in a more recently jaded love position, i really agree. its like everywhere you look people are getting hurt and jaded. its like the sex and the city thing about people just finding someone with the green light for marraige too and so hey they move forward and get married. i know we all want the all-consuming, do crazy things short of committing a federal offense kind of love but i am not seeming to see much of that these days. sad day. we will all get our happy endings, i gotta hold onto hope right! :) miss you d!
katie, you would relate it to sex and the city.
haha, just kidding. i miss you too :)
i must say, although somewhat pessimistic (sorry:)) i have to agree here......divorce is higher than eever before....most of my friends are in shitty engagements and/or marriages....which will ultimately help increase the divorce rate in a few years, all because they want(ed) a pretty dress and a pretty ring and a man on their side. So, D....and im' not trying to be all Jeremiah 29- encourage-y....but it makes me glad that you and I havent had a serious relationship. I miean, i have learned SO much from my friends' relationships good and bad. So now i have knowledge when/if God ever decides its OK for me to have a boyfriend! haha.....you say you're 23 and have never had a serious relationship. My friend Carla is 30 and never had a serious boyfriend, the only 1 she truly had was shot and killed by the Mexican mafia.....so at least we dont have that story as a part of our lives! i love you!
I just came across this post, so that's why the response is late.
Thom, my boyfriend of 18 months, whom I broke up with in March, recently informed me he's not looking for someone who's perfect for him. He's just looking for someone who will love him and be decent enough. That is so sad to me!
I, like all the others, do feel you. The lack of unconditional romantic love is so overwhelming in today's world. There are 2 kids at my church whose parents are getting divorced-- the boy is 4, and the girl is only 2. Who knows if they should have gotten married in the first place or not, but for some reason or another, they just "can't" make it work.
And as someone whose career will be in an elementary school, where all of the men teachers are either gay or already married, it's a little scary to find myself single at this point in my life.
I believe that all of our group will find SOMEBODY in time, though. It may not come as soon as would make us most comfortable, but somebody's gotta keep the "still married" rate higher :)
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